chaplaincy

“I wait to see if they come back”: Shelly and the Pain of Love

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“My life’s been like a Stephen King novel.”

That was how “Shelly” described her life to me, and it turned out to be fairly accurate.

I had been requested to see Shelly at a skilled facility by the staff there. She had been the roommate of one of our patients who had died recently (I’ll call her Mrs. Bea), and the staff felt that she could use some support. I don’t get requests for visits like these often, and usually when I do I find that it’s more often the staff that have issues with coping rather than the person they’re directing me to. That was not the case here. Continue reading →

The Push and Pull of Empathy

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Chaplains can find themselves in some sticky situations among family members. While our primary focus is often the patient or other person we are working with, we can be brought in to situations where family members are at odds with one another, with staff, or even with the patient. We may be brought in to help defuse a volatile meeting or try and get the family on the same page. The reasons for this often comes down to two of the most important skills we have in our toolbox: our capability of empathy and our ability to listen non-judgmentally. Some people though have a knack of turning those skills against us. Continue reading →

Washing My Hands of God

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This from a blogger on suffering and the importance of shared grief.

brandonandress's avatarOutside the Walls

To say that this year has been difficult is a tragic understatement. It has been seven long and painful months since Abbott died tragically on an unseasonably warm and inviting February night.

The devastating impact of his death, while reverberating deeply within our town on so many levels, knocked our smaller community back on our heels and then to our knees. Our house church, of which Abbott and his family have been an integral part over the last decade, is still completely broken.

But each week, we gather back together and hold each other and try to pick up the fragmented pieces as best we can.

How does a person even take a step forward in so much pain and suffering?

How does a group of friends walk through this pain and suffering together?

How do people hold one another in woundedness, in anger, in frustration, and in doubt?

This…

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Rachele Slotman: Identifying, Treating and Avoiding Burnout

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I was directed to the following article, which I am reprinting in full below, from one of my readers. The original source can be found here as well. I wanted to pass it along as it is a very helpful resource not only for those we work with and care for but also for ourselves. While the context for writing this is academia, it certainly is transferrable to our own work lives as well. Thanks to John Hawthorne for the link! Continue reading →

The Transformative Nature of Pastoral Authority

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Bread and wine

An issue that comes up frequently in chaplaincy training is pastoral authority. This area of ministry tended to trip me up at first, and I expect it does for others as well. It’s one of the key areas where we need to grow and develop as chaplains though: it’s one of our core competencies for a reason. Continue reading →

Why We Get Complicated Grief Wrong

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I recently switched positions in my company to help manage our bereavement services. Don’t worry – I’m still in the field as a chaplain as well (with a very limited caseload – something I asked for)! I had a great deal of experience working in bereavement in my prior company so this has been a good fit so far.

However this move has brought up something that has always bothered me. That is even though that the staff I work with on a daily basis has years of experience in hospice care we still struggle with measuring and even recognizing complicated grief and bereavement. Continue reading →

Getting Your Foot in the Door: 8 Ways to reduce “declines” for chaplains

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the chaplain makes his rounds

One issue that I see frequently coming across chaplain discussion boards is that many have increasing numbers of those declining chaplain support. One poster, a hospice chaplain in Georgia, said her declines went from 10% five years ago to about 35% now.

Many believe that the refusal of spiritual support is due to a decline in religiosity overall in our country and culture. That may be true, but I don’t think it accounts for the majority of declines. Even though the Pew Research Center found a nearly 8 point percentage drop in those professing Christianity between 2007 and 2014, about 70% of Americans still identify as a member of some Christian church or faith group. From my own experience I can say as that I have had many accepting of chaplain support who were atheist or agnostic, or believed in God but did not consider themselves religious.  And no these were not millennials, these were your typical elderly hospice patient. Continue reading →

Spiritual Communication Boards for the Critically Ill: Wall Street Journal

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This came across the line from the APC and thought it was such a brilliant and simple idea. The text is included below but please access the full article here.

A ‘Spiritual Board’ Brings Comfort to the Critically Ill

A chaplain at a New York hospital has designed a board that lets the critically ill communicate their spiritual pain and needs

By

LUCETTE LAGNADO

Updated Feb. 21, 2017 12:14 p.m. ET

When William Campion was in the intensive-care unit this month after a double lung transplant, he felt nervous and scared and could breathe only with the help of a machine.

Joel Nightingale Berning, a chaplain at Mr. Campion’s hospital, New York-Presbyterian/Columbia University Medical Center, stopped by. He saw that Mr. Campion had a tube in his neck and windpipe, which prevented him from speaking. The chaplain held up a communication board—not the kind used to check a patient’s physical pain and needs, but a “spiritual board” that asks if he or she would like a blessing, a prayer or another religious ministry. The board also lets patients rate their level of spiritual pain on a scale of 0 through 10, from none to “extreme.” Continue reading →

When All is Said and Done: Death and “Magic Words”

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Your average hospice chaplain. Probably had 3 units of Level II CPE.

Recently I had a family whose mother was on hospice with us. When Isabel* had a sudden decline and became active her family gathered around the bedside and all started to say the things that families and caregivers – including hospice staff – feel that they need to say in order for the dying person to “let go”. They all said that they loved her and that they would be OK. They had out of town family come in and say good-bye in person and on the phone. They told her over and over again that it was OK for her to go. The priest gave last rites. This went on for well over a week.

Needless to say it was rough. The family came and went, said what they needed to say, and still Isabel seemed to hang on. There were a lot of thoughts and questions: “What haven’t we said? Is there someone that hasn’t said goodbye yet? Is she waiting to hear from someone? What are we missing? Why is she still here?”

My best response was, “I don’t know.”

Continue reading →

The Unproductive Chaplain

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welcome to the machine

welcome to the machine

I wrote previously how chaplains need to be productive, and how to do that. I now want to unravel all that. Productivity may be how we prove our worth to our employers, however it can also run counter to how we do that, and even to our ability to do that. Continue reading →