Not long ago I thought I’d be shutting this site down, as I wasn’t sure if I was going to be a chaplain anymore. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be one on one hand: I’d had about enough of the stress, the politics, and the poor time off. Hospice seems to breed burnout for precisely those reasons. However I was recently offered a full time job at a hospice that seems good.
Trouble is I have two other jobs waiting in the wings. The key word there is “waiting” however, as neither one has made an offer and have been slow – in one case extremely slow – in interviewing. Both of these jobs have their pluses and minuses as well. While it seems clear that I should go with the “sure thing” I’m hesitant.
As usual I’m overthinking things, I think. Commitment to a job does not slam the door on everything else forever, obviously. However I tend to think of these things as permanent. As my wife said, I can give this a trial period in the same way that they’re giving me one. Plus I have to recognize my hesitation is due to a fear of the unexpected, and also a fear of the expected.
One of the things you hear a lot in CPE is to “trust the process”, meaning that the CPE group is designed to raise problems and growing edges, and any quick solution to those issues is not going to help. They in fact hinder the process of growth, change, and self discovery. Here too I see that I need to trust the process, trust that God is in it, and care less about being sure about my decision.
I get too concerned sometimes about making the wrong decision, often where there is no wrong decision. Mistakes are survivable, and I have no idea what lies around the next bend in the road.