As I was preparing a message for an upcoming series of memorial services coinciding with All Saints and All Souls Days, I decided to look at the lectionary to see what the assigned passages for those days to help me get started. I don’t come from a liturgical tradition, and am a bit more familiar with the practice of having a theme in mind and then finding a passage or passages that fit that theme. Not the best practice, I know, which is why I diverted from it in this case.

I was a little surprised when the Beatitudes came up as the reading for the day, even though I shouldn’t have been. After all, the passage specifically calls to those who mourn, calling them “blessed”.

Yet mourning is something that we generally don’t do in the US, and when we do we don’t always do it well. One reason is that we take very little time to mourn. Typically we are given a few days off work to take care of affairs and attend services. Even when we are told to “take as much time as you need”, there is an understanding that it can’t take too long, whatever “too long” may be. We are expected to be back to our usual functioning selves rather quickly. While some may feel the need for more time to process and heal, others relish the chance to get back to work and the daily routine that comes with it. Note that this routine does not include mourning and remembering, though. In fact, many use work and routine to specifically avoid the new work they have of mourning.

Yet it is vitally important that we, from time to time, stop. We need to stop, reflect, and acknowledge the pain and loss we’ve had. The reason to do so is so we can be blessed.

Jesus said that those who mourn will be comforted. What of those who don’t mourn? Will they be comforted? Perhaps, but not in the same way that those who mourn are. When we hold back loss, we hold back pain. This is a natural response of course. Avoidance of pain is a foundational part of our very nature. It’s what keeps us alive and out of harm’s way. Moving into the pain of mourning and loss is therefore counter to our nature. Yet it is something that we need to do from time to time. We need to stop and remember, not to live in the pain or dwell on the pain but to receive the blessing that moving into that pain brings us.

Mourning has many emotional, social, and spiritual benefits for us. Mourners often feel an increased appreciation for others, as well as for their own lives. They often report coming away with a greater understanding of the person who has passed. Mourning can strengthen connections and help forge new ones. It teaches us to be less self-reliant, to be mindful of others, and to be compassionate towards those who have experienced loss and are currently going through it. It connects us with issues of ultimate purpose: who we are, who we belong to, and who we want to be.

Grief and loss are things that all of us will eventually be acquainted with. It is not a choice that we have. Yet we do have a choice in how we accept it. Will we move toward grief, if only for a time, choosing to remember? Will we choose to be shaped by what has changed in our lives, or will we choose to ignore it and “move on”? If we choose to remember, we choose the pain that may come from remembering. But we will also choose the blessing of comfort that comes only by means of that loss.

Moving into pain also shows us that we can move back out of it when we need to. It breaks the fear that if we start to grieve, we may grieve forever. Remembering calls things back to life but then lets them go back to where they were. Even as I write this, I know that at the end of the service we will all go back to our routines, and our remembrances will return to memory. Hopefully, remembering has shaped us all even a little bit, and in doing so we have been comforted in the process.