What a long trip it’s been! Next week I’ll be finishing up my fourth unit of CPE – fourth consecutive unit I might add. I’ve been spending my Tuesdays in CPE, getting up at 5:30am or worse, since last fall. I said today that I felt like I was in a marathon with the end finally in sight. The start was full of excitement but a lot of trips until I caught my pace. Then I ran steady for a long time. Then, this term, I hit my wall. Now I feel like the “runner’s high” has kicked in as I finally realize the end is really in sight.
I am looking harder at not trying so hard. I tend to feel that so much depends on me in order to keep up my own standards. I’ve seen though that my own standards still can be unnecessarily high. I felt very alone a few weeks ago, because I just couldn’t keep up with my own expectations and wanted someone to rescue me. I was a fairly miserable person. I realized that my priorities were so messed up – the things that I saw as important were really distracting me from the things that were important: my kids, my wife, personal time and so on.
I feel freer and happier. How often are we our own worst enemies!